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The Younger and Wholesome Podcast. You’re listening to the Cincinnati Youngsters’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast.
Kate Setter
Good day and welcome again to the Cincinnati Youngsters’s Younger and Wholesome Podcast. I’m Kate Setter, your host for right this moment. And becoming a member of me within the studio right this moment is Ashley Cremins, who’s a repeat visitor. Thanks for being again with us, Ashley.
Ashley Cremeans
Thanks for having me once more.
Kate Setter
Completely. So Ashley is a social employee in our Meyerson Middle for Protected and Wholesome Youngsters right here at Cincinnati Youngsters’s. And she’s joined us earlier than to speak about associated topics, however right this moment we’re actually going to dive into the subject of consent. We’re going to form of go youthful children to middle-aged children to older children and form of take a look at what’s consent, how will we give it, why is it necessary, simply what do dad and mom have to know to assist their children perceive this idea of claiming sure in the event that they want to and no in the event that they received’t or in the event that they don’t. So Ashley, let’s begin form of at the start. Once we discuss consent, and youthful children. What does that imply and what’s form of that place to begin, these constructing blocks of understanding it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, and I feel it’s necessary throughout all ages and stage in your children. The largest factor to recollect while you discuss consent is the aim is to empower your children to set boundaries and to respect the boundaries of different children. As dad and mom, now we have to reply a number of powerful questions for our children. And when now we have these powerful conversations, our aim is to construct a relationship with them in order that they know that they’ll belief us and so they can come to us to reply these powerful questions and to maintain dialogue with them in order that throughout all ages, they know they’ll ask us these powerful conversations. So once we take into consideration younger children, as quickly as they’re in a position to begin speaking, we need to begin figuring out physique components and actually begin having these conversations with them. So we talked final yr about boundaries and actually speaking about respecting privateness and letting them know that they’ll have privateness with their physique and that they’ll go to their rooms and have privateness and instructing them that it’s okay to know their consolation ranges with their our bodies and saying no in the event that they’re uncomfortable with one thing. So in the event that they don’t like a hug or a kiss or a tickle, it’s okay to empower them to say no and to allow them to know that that’s their physique and that we have to be respectful of that and that we have to perceive that that’s okay and asking permission first. Is it okay that we do that? Is it okay that I offer you a hug? Is it okay that I offer you a tickle? That’s actually empowering for youths that they’ve the fitting to say no to these issues. And additionally with members of the family or mates, it’s okay to say, no, I’m not okay with grandma or aunt or uncle giving these sorts of touches or issues like that. After which empowering them in, you already know, position modeling and constructing in conversations of what various choices are for these sorts of touches if you’re now not snug with hugs or kisses. or tickles. What a few excessive 5? Can we try this as an alternative? How a few fist bump? Would that be higher? In order that method we are able to form of begin modeling these conversations with children. In order that method, if some form of contact feels uncomfortable, they know what various choices are. So, you already know, when you don’t need grandma to offer you a kiss, you are able to do a fist bump as an alternative or a excessive 5. They usually really feel empowered to know what to say as an alternative. And additionally they know what to do if a contact feels uncomfortable, who they’ll go to and who they’ll inform if one thing makes them really feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t need to be a contact that’s inappropriate. It may be a contact like a kiss, like I don’t really feel okay with that. After which they know who to inform if it makes them really feel uncomfortable. And it actually begins to construct their confidence and know that they’ll belief their instincts when one thing doesn’t really feel proper and who they’ll inform when it doesn’t really feel good.
Kate Setter
And we do have that dialog from final yr that we are going to hyperlink as properly if you wish to hear that full dialog about boundaries and what we talked about there. And so that’s an ideal grounding and form of these youngest children, we construct that basis of belief, they know who to return to if one thing, in the event that they don’t like one thing, they didn’t like a contact. What about children as they form of transfer into adolescence? After which how can dad and mom begin explaining what consent means form of to these children in that age-appropriate method?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so for adolescents, that’s when they’re actually beginning to construct these relationships with mates, with friends. That’s once we actually begin wanting to speak to them about conversations, how they’re constructing these relationships with them. So we’re transferring previous that like no means no and extra into the way to have wholesome conversations and wholesome relationships with their friends. And that’s when peer stress actually begins to take an element too. So we need to discuss the way to respect one another’s limits and needs. That’s when you possibly can actually begin to have conversations too about not making individuals do issues that they don’t need to do. Does your buddy need to come over? Asking questions. In the event that they don’t need to come over, then respect the no. Does your buddy, while you’re out with a buddy, do they need to play basketball within the driveway? No. Okay, don’t make your buddy play basketball in the event that they don’t need to play basketball. In the event that they’re okay with one thing, then respect the sure or respect the no. So actually having these respectful conversations of sure and no. It additionally helps be sure that there’s not misunderstandings between mates. I really feel like on this adolescent age, that’s when drama begins to occur as a result of there’s a number of misunderstandings as a result of individuals simply don’t have good, clear communication. So I really feel like with adolescents, we have to begin having these conversations of respecting one another and having good, clear boundaries. So what we talked about about with children about clear boundaries, we have to proceed to repeat. I don’t know if anyone, when you might have adolescence, I’ve a child in adolescence, it’s a dialog it’s essential to have typically and repeating it as a result of they don’t want to listen to it simply as soon as, they should hear it typically. And it’s ones the place it’s essential to be checking in with them. How had been issues with your pals right this moment? Inform me about what you probably did right this moment. What did you guys do while you frolicked? Did all the pieces go okay? Was there something that made you’re feeling uncomfortable? Like simply form of checking in with them. That is when, you already know, how Did you guys play video video games right this moment? What did you guys do in your video video games? Like simply do common check-ins together with your children as a result of that is when these issues begin popping up. That is additionally the digital age. Everyone’s on their telephones, all people’s enjoying video video games. So simply checking in that ensuring that there’s nothing that made them really feel like unsafe or uncomfortable in that adolescent age. That is when these issues begin to spring up that we are able to form of begin to miss.
Kate Setter
Any recommendation for form of these adolescent teenagers? I really feel like they do say sure typically, however there are some clues too that they, possibly that peer stress is a think about what they’re saying. Any like recommendations on the way to acknowledge that like, okay, possibly they stated sure, however we should always comply with up. We should always be sure that they really need to play basketball. They’re not simply saying sure as a result of they suppose you do.
Ashley Cremeans
I feel you possibly can form of examine in too, like, If you’re saying sure, like, did you say sure as a result of all people else stated sure, however you didn’t actually need to say sure? Like, simply checking in, like, is there one thing alternatively that you just want to do? Like, or is that this one thing that we are able to play for like somewhat little bit of time after which there’s one thing else that you just want to do as an alternative? So simply form of possibly providing various options for youths. So I feel simply form of providing choices is a superb concept too. So I feel while you ask children, like, we may do that or we may do that, So giving a number of picks is a superb concept too. In order that method children don’t really feel pressured selections that they’ve to do that. So giving choices can be good for that adolescent age. I introduced up the digital factor. This teen, this adolescent age is when they’re all beginning to get telephones. So remembering to not share data that you just get on telephones. I really feel like this group is all beginning to get cell telephones and they’re all beginning to textual content. So reminding children in this age to not share issues that you just get in your telephones, to not share conversations. That digital privateness must be personal too. I really feel like that’s the place a number of consent must be shared and talked about as a result of that’s the place a number of issues get skewed and youngsters don’t notice that what you discuss in telephones is additionally must be consent conversations. So that’s dialog to begin having with this age group as properly. as properly.
Kate Setter
Agree. I like that loads. So I need to shift gears once more now, form of take that further step older to children who may be beginning to have relationship relationships. And I need to dig just a bit bit deeper round like stress and silence and feeling obligated. What are some frequent misunderstandings that teenagers have about consent in these areas which might be somewhat bit powerful to navigate?
Ashley Cremeans
So Transferring from like adolescents to teenagers, consent, a number of children don’t perceive that consent, there’s not a authorized definition of consent. What consent must be is a verbal sure. It’s non-negotiable. You need to say sure. When you’re speaking about any form of like, as we transfer into this, we’re transferring into the teenager years while you discuss sure, while you discuss consent, It’s voluntarily given. It can’t be pressured. There can’t be any threats. There may be no manipulation. It needs to be a verbal sure. And at any time, you possibly can change your thoughts. So when you don’t need to do one thing and also you’re doing issues otherwise you’re saying okay to one thing or saying sure to one thing, after which one thing occurs and you alter your thoughts and also you say no, instantly, no matter motion you’re doing stops since you’ve then withdrawn consent.
Kate Setter
So sure, thanks for form of bridging us into the kids. And this feels just like the years the place we, such as you had been simply saying, we begin to discuss doing issues with others which might be typically extra intimate in nature and actually love speaking by that you may change your thoughts anytime. Are you able to discuss what consent is just not, together with the way it, can’t occur beneath the affect of medicine and alcohol. What different conditions the place consent can not stay?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so consent undoubtedly can not occur beneath the affect of medicine and alcohol. So if an individual is intoxicated or they’re asleep, consent can’t be given. So in the event that they’re drunk, in the event that they’re excessive, in the event that they’re handed out, Consent needs to be clear. It needs to be voluntarily given. If you’re impaired in these conditions, you can not give clear consent with that particular person. They’ve to have the ability to clearly talk sure in a significant method. So in that state of affairs, you’re not no celebration, one or the opposite. If one is impaired, they can’t clearly give consent. If each are impaired, they can not clearly give consent at that time. Consent is just not silent. In case you are sitting there and you’re not speaking, you’re not giving consent. In case you are saying, I suppose, or I’m undecided, that’s not consent. In case you are unsure and also you freeze within the second, That’s not consent. In the event you sit there and also you associate with it, that’s not consent. It’s a transparent sure. It’s you verbalize and also you say sure. One of many issues I’ve teen boys, one of many issues I all the time say is that if you’re undecided, ask, like, are you okay with this? Is that this all proper with you? How do you’re feeling? Are you okay transferring ahead? Are we transferring too quick? Is this okay? In case you are unsure about the way you’re transferring ahead with the individual that you’re in a relationship relationship with, or when you’re kissing, you’re holding fingers, no matter you’re doing, when you’re not sure about how the individual that you’re with is feeling, ask the query. Prefer it’s all the time okay to cease and ask. And no level, like I know these conversations for fogeys are awkward. By no means is the aim of those conversations to offer permission in your children to have sexual relationships or something like that. The aim of those consent conversations is for defense, is to verify your children know that they’ve instruments to maintain themselves secure of their relationship relationships and to be sure that they’re wholesome and that they know to have safety and to be secure and to verify they’re secure of their relationship relationships. The aim is for defense and for promotion. It’s to not like, it’s to not promote having intercourse. That’s not what consent conversations are for. It’s to be sure that they really feel secure of their relationship relationships.
Kate Setter
I really feel like so many issues with youngsters, the extra we discuss it, the extra they’ve these alternatives to have the phrases to make use of within the second when that comes out. up. And I really like a few of these phrases that you’re giving us. What are issues that always really feel sticky for youths, really feel tough to navigate in these areas?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I imply, I feel a giant one is that youngsters which might be in relationships which have had like sexual relationships with companions earlier than, After which possibly in a while, or a state of affairs pops up that they don’t need to have a sexual encounter, that one thing occurs and so they don’t need to have intercourse, and… they really feel obligated to or one thing occurred and so they didn’t need to have intercourse, that point doesn’t essentially imply that was a consensual encounter. Simply since you had intercourse as soon as earlier than with this particular person after which later have intercourse with them while you didn’t need to, consent is required each time. Like simply since you did it as soon as doesn’t imply that point is consensual. After which a number of instances, Once I discuss to children, they really feel pressured. A companion asks over and time and again, and so they find yourself agreeing or feeling like they needed to as a result of they had been requested over and time and again to do it. So then they do it as a result of they felt obligated to as a result of that particular person wouldn’t cease asking to do it.
Kate Setter
And what’s your recommendation to children who’re in that state of affairs with a companion who simply retains asking What would we are saying to them to assist them by that state of affairs?
Ashley Cremeans
It’s very tough as a result of like we’ve talked about, peer stress is very exhausting. I imply, as a lot as I can, I might encourage you to proceed to make use of your voice. When we’re speaking to folks, what I encourage them to do is when now we have these conversations to arrange some form of system. Is there a code phrase, one thing you possibly can textual content? Like, I really feel unsafe on this state of affairs. Are you able to come get me? Like some form of security system that they’ll instantly name their guardian or textual content their guardian to get out to the place they know straight away that one thing’s not okay and I want you to come get me now. In order that method they know one thing’s not proper and I want picked up instantly. In order that method if they’re at a buddy’s home or a boyfriend’s home or a girlfriend’s home and one thing’s not okay, I want to depart straight away.
Kate Setter
And I really feel like that’s one of many ways in which know-how truly helps us as a result of GPS permits us to know the place they’re and to get to them quick. And so whereas know-how has undoubtedly launched some complicating conditions, There are some actually good issues about it as properly.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
That’s nice recommendation. Thanks for that. So I need to transfer now to ask you about consent legal guidelines. And what are they? Do they range by state? What do households and youngsters have to find out about these legal guidelines and the way in which they have an effect on them.
Ashley Cremeans
So, and since we’re within the tri-state space, it makes it good and tough as a result of Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky all have totally different age of consent legal guidelines. So it makes it good and messy that it can’t simply be clear. Ohio, their consent legal guidelines, nobody beneath the age of 12 can consent to intercourse with anybody. So that’s computerized. 13 to fifteen can consent to intercourse with anybody that’s 13 to 17. So there’s this four-year age window the place they’ll have consensual intercourse with anybody that very same age vary. After which 16 and older can consent to intercourse with anybody of any age. So that’s like an attention-grabbing caveat. So they’ll have intercourse with any particular person, any grownup. so long as they’re not particular person who’s like a caregiver or offering like a trainer, a coach, particular person of authority. So so long as they’re not in that energy authority position.
Kate Setter
In order that’s Ohio. In order that’s Ohio.
Ashley Cremeans
Sure.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Kentucky is somewhat totally different. Nobody beneath the age of 15 can consent to intercourse. After which, so that’s no age, like there’s no age restrict there. So nobody 15 or youthful can consent to intercourse. 16 or 17 can consent to intercourse. After which theirs is somewhat totally different. There’s like an age restrict, like they can’t, that’s like 10 or older, 10 years or older.
Kate Setter
Oh, than the particular person who’s consenting.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah. So like if you’re 16, you can’t, it’s no one like 26 or older. Like, so there’s no like 10 yr age restrict for them?
Kate Setter
Okay. 10 yr age hole between the 2 individuals.
Ashley Cremeans
Between the 2 individuals, yeah.
Kate Setter
Fascinating, okay.
Ashley Cremeans
After which once more, identical factor, no caregiver, no authorized, all of, for identical, it’s just about the identical throughout. Like no particular person of energy or authority, they can’t have intercourse with anyone in that age with that like energy or authority rule. Then Indiana’s form of comparable, 13 and youthful, can’t have intercourse with anyone. 14 and 15 can have intercourse with 14 to 17. After which 14 and 15, anyone 18 and older, is unlawful for them. After which 16 and older can have intercourse with anyone, 14 and older. It’s very tough. So that is the place we run into points as a result of I’ll inform you, we see largely children in Ohio right here on the Mayerson Middle. Most of our interviews, the general public we see are from Ohio. And the place we run into probably the most difficult conditions are our 13 to fifteen yr olds who’ve relationships with people who find themselves older than 18 and so they didn’t notice it. So then that turns into against the law.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Or we see our children who’re like 13 that simply had like had simply turned 13 or like our 12s who didn’t notice like a 12 yr outdated who had intercourse with somebody who was somewhat bit older than them, after which that particular person is a perpetrator now, like a 12 with a 14-year-old, and now that 14-year-old is taken into account a perpetrator of against the law. So you bought like your center schoolers who’re having intercourse, that now the 12-year-old is taken into account a sufferer as a result of they’re 12 as a result of they can’t consent, however a 14-year-old can be thought-about a perpetrator of against the law.
Kate Setter
And so all of this appears like Because of this the conversations with dad and mom are so necessary, for fogeys to know who their children are in relationships with. Sure. And be capable of understand how outdated they’re and what a few of these conditions are, as a result of that sounds prefer it will get difficult actually shortly.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. And it’s like, I feel the toughest half is a number of instances children suppose that they, 12’s most likely our hardest as a result of they don’t notice they’ll consent. to something. Like they’re the toughest ones to know as a result of they suppose they’ve each proper to, and as a guardian, you’re like, 12, no method would you ever have intercourse. However they arrive in and they’re like, oh yeah, completely. They usually don’t notice that they’re not sufficiently old to consent. They usually are available weapons a-blazing, able to not need to discuss to us. However their dad and mom are livid as a result of they by no means needed this to occur to them and so they need them to completely proceed with a prison investigation. However this particular person’s their boyfriend, their girlfriend, and they’re so mad that their dad and mom need them to have a prison investigation, however they love this particular person. That’s their 13, 14 yr outdated boyfriend. Like in our eyes, it’s not, they don’t suppose it’s against the law, however it’s as a result of they only didn’t perceive that it’s prison. It’s prison. So that’s why it’s so necessary for us as dad and mom to know what’s authorized, what’s not authorized, since you simply, these are fifth and sixth graders. You simply didn’t know, no one knew. that it was unlawful.
Kate Setter
And they’re children navigating very grown-up issues.
Ashley Cremeans
It’s, yeah.
Kate Setter
However thanks for operating by these. That’s difficult. It’s. And figuring out that there are most likely children who’ve relationships with children in different states as properly, that simply, that will get difficult.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. So that’s why it’s exhausting to, that’s very exhausting to navigate. And it’s a number of exhausting conversations that now we have, like whereas we perceive that you just didn’t notice this was unlawful, your guardian needs to guard you. And I feel that’s the toughest dialog that we need to have with children. And even our like, our 13, our ones which might be in that authorized age the place they’ll consent, like they don’t, a number of instances dad and mom get mad when the youngsters are sufficiently old to consent and so they need to go after once they’re nonetheless in that authorized age. Like they didn’t notice that they had been each nonetheless sufficiently old to consent. and so they don’t need them to be having, I imply, most dad and mom don’t need their center schoolers, their freshmen in highschool to be having sexual relations. So a number of instances that’s once we nonetheless see dad and mom desirous to pursue prison prices even when they’re sufficiently old to consent to intercourse. So I feel that it’s nonetheless necessary to know what these ages are so that you just don’t get your self in bother as a result of I feel that’s the place issues get difficult. I feel the opposite one that’s the most exhausting to navigate is when it turns into the 16, those which might be older, like that 13, when that four-year window lapses, that will get exhausting too.
Kate Setter
As a result of then you’re speaking adults and issues get difficult there too.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
Okay. Thanks for operating by all of that with us.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, it’s exhausting to recollect and exhausting to navigate typically.
Kate Setter
As we wrap up our dialog, if households had been to remove just some key messages about consent from the dialog we’ve had right this moment. What would you need them to recollect?
Ashley Cremeans
I feel the most important factor is to keep in mind that these conversations are tough at any age, particularly with youngsters, most likely they’re the toughest to navigate. They’re awkward conversations to have, particularly with these teenagers, however they’re most likely the most necessary ones to have as a result of it’s those which might be going to guard our children. It’s going to maintain them secure. So the aim is to have them in order that they’ll navigate actual life conditions and so they can do it with confidence. It’s finest once we do these frequently, having them all through their life on a regular basis as a lot as we are able to in order that we are able to maintain them secure and having the conversations in a number of other ways. Once I discuss to my children and once I inform dad and mom to have these conversations, I encourage them to do them in low impression conversations. So whereas you’re driving to and from apply, when you’re driving to and from locations, as a result of you’re not head to head, these are awkward conversations to have. So attempting to do them entrance to entrance when you’re eye to eye, awkward. No person needs to do this. So do it within the automotive when you’re, it’s simply you and them, no one else within the automotive. You’re not, not a number of stress, and you’ve got somewhat little bit of privateness, in order that method you possibly can simply have somewhat little bit of time to speak to them within the automotive, backwards and forwards to locations. Carry it up when you might have somewhat little bit of time, although, in order that method if one thing does spark from that, you’ve received a while to take a seat down and discuss it. Be okay with not figuring out all of the solutions, although. So in the event that they ask you a query you don’t know the reply to, that’s okay. I’m undecided. We are able to look that up collectively. We’ll determine it out collectively. In the event you don’t know the solutions, that’s all proper.
Kate Setter
And do you might have any trusted sources or assist that you just notably suppose is effective for households to know is on the market for them in the event that they want it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I imply, so Mayerson Middle, our web site has a number of nice sources on wholesome boundaries. We are able to ship out sources about like what consent is when you want them. You possibly can all the time attain out to us and we are able to ship them out to you. Loveisrespect.org is a superb useful resource in the case of sources on wholesome relationship relationships. February is Teen Courting Violence Consciousness Month, so there’s a lot of sources locally proper now all about teen relationship violence throughout on-line proper now about that.
Kate Setter
I feel that was all the pieces I had ready for us right this moment, Ashley. Any ultimate ideas?
Ashley Cremeans
I don’t suppose so. Like I stated, this dialog is just not about giving your children permission to have intercourse. It’s about giving them instruments to be secure and ensuring that they’ve respectful relationships and beginning the conversations to maintain them secure. So it’s nearly preserving the dialog open and creating , wholesome dialogue in order that you guys can have an amazing, trustful relationship transferring on. So simply maintain the dialog and going.
Kate Setter
Implausible. Thanks a lot for becoming a member of us right this moment. We’ve been speaking with Ashley Cremins, and we’re grateful for her time and for this dialog. Thanks for listening to the Younger and Wholesome Podcast. If you’re having fun with the present, be sure to comply with us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to hear. You possibly can keep linked and get the newest updates by following us on Instagram at Younger and Wholesome Pod. In the event you discover this episode useful, share it together with your family and friends as a result of staying younger and wholesome is one thing we are able to all do collectively. We’ll see you subsequent time. This episode was recorded on February seventeenth, 2026. The data within the Younger and Wholesome Podcast is meant for informational and academic functions solely. This episode was produced by Kayla McNeal, and our theme music was created by Steven Grieco.
